This makes me laugh and cry. It represents quite a few factors in my life that have led to my “now”. One thing I have learned to do is to try to tamp down expectations. I’ve learned to honor the incredible relationships that I’ve had. Never expect friendship and never expect forgiveness. I am a veteran, not combat but I have my own PTSD issues nonetheless. I have made some major friendship missteps over the years fueled by alcohol abuse among other things. Last year I spent four months inpatient at the VA where I learned more about myself that I could of dreamed. The VA let me know that I suffer from PTSD, bipolar disorder and deep depression. I lashed out in different ways and I have only myself to blame. The good news is that I am on the right path. I changed my life, nixed the alcohol and have continued to seek counseling. Honestly, if I would have faced my issues years ago and sought counseling I would be in a different place that I am today.

a little about me

I was born in Wisconsin. My father was in the US Army so we moved around a bit but I was raised mostly in the Washington DC area. Early adulthood included school then a 7+ year stint in the US Navy. I settled in Northern Virginia for a long while. It was home. Things change. I now live in New Jersey. I like to think of myself as a food geek, a prog rock music aficionado, and an information technology guy. I have also been the webmaster for dchashing.org since 1996, it is a site to promote the chapters of the Hash House Harriers in the Washington DC area. My home hash is Mount Vernon. I am on twitter and discord as “@ohdrat”.

Check out my music collection. https://www/ohdrat.com/digital

Obviously this year is different.  While growing up, Thanksgiving was such a fun holiday. My mom would wake up early to put the turkey in the oven low and slow. She would also make pies. My favorite part of that was what she did with the leftover dough. She would roll the dough into several strips similar to a pretzel, coat them with cinnamon sugar and roll them into twists and bake them. There was always mashed potatoes, rolls, pickles and olives. Her gravy was magical. We never ate breakfast or lunch on Thanksgiving day. Those cinnamon twists were our wonderful snack before our 2:00 traditional meal time. Dad would bring out the holiday dishes and set the table per mom’s direction. He would make the eggnog for later. We boys would be tasked with household chores to keep us busy. We would eat more than we needed around our table. Good times. Never an argument or politics but it was almost always just my folks and the kids. Afterwards we would all help with the clean up and move to the living room couches to watch football. Most of us were in a food coma. An hour or two would go by and we all inched towards the kitchen, mostly for the pies. My mom made three things every Thanksgiving and Christmas. Those were pumpkin pie, minced meat pie and scratch made cranberry sauce.  Over the years other things were added or subtracted but those three were alway there. Traditions I still honor mostly to this day, except for the minced meat pie.  Minced meat pie was slashed.

Once I got married and my parents had passed my Thanksgiving traditions went to my new family. Every year we would go to Dan’s sister’s house where she puts on quite the smorgasbord. I started a tradition several years ago where I would send her a ham because she does not like turkey. Also, I wanted other options. The family is a Jewish and Christian mix. Usually his sister has around 25 people over. These have been really good new traditions for me and great experience despite the frequent political comments. Unfortunately the family is on both ends of the spectrum on that front. I do not engage.

2020. What a change! This year we will be scaling back big time. We are not having a family dinner. Covid-19 stopped that. So, what do we do? I decided I was going to create a super small scaled down version of many different Thanksgiving dishes that I’ve had between our two families over the years. Just the two of us. Instead of an entire turkey we’re just going to cook a breast. We will see how the rest of this goes.

Since March it has largely been the two of us all day and all night. A trust test of our love and friendship and it has been great. I am very thankful for that.

I miss my parents and I miss seeing my friends. I am thankful technology has made it possible to zoom, text and email. We try to stay in touch frequently but virtual communication does not take place of personal contact. We all long for better days. We long for a kinder, equitable, safer country. After all of this, I hope that we can learn to be better people, better Americans, and more compassionate.

I look forward with hope for that day.

I’m too Old to Move Myself

Back in our younger days, especially in our 20’s, when we moved we asked a bunch of buddies to help. We found the one guy with a pickup truck. We offered beer and pizza to our friends.   It worked out pretty well, and the move would take place without incident. Over time, we owned or rented several places, and with every move, we employed some version of that approach with success. 

I can’t do that now.  I recently had a bit of a life change with injuries involving my hands and arms.  Not only can I not lift objects, I can no longer type or use a mouse for more than a few minutes. Four surgeries were attempted to correct the issues, but there has been no progress. As a computer system administrator that sort of killed my career. It also makes me take a new look on life. I am fortunate to have a partner that works and can provide a life and insurance for both of us.

So, with the Coronavirus raging in our region of the country, we face a new challenge. We are moving again.  We are not moving because of the virus, that news came after we decided to move. We are moving because we need to be closer to our family and Dan’s work. Timing is bad, to say the least.

It’s a new chapter in our life, and I am looking forward to it. Getting out of the city and being on the Raritan Bay in a very quiet community is something we need at this point in our lives. We have a train station up the street and we will have easy access to New York, once the virus situation resolves.  As time progresses,  I hope  to find some different work.

We will move next week, and I hope the guys moving us know how much we appreciate them. It will not be our friends from our 20’s. We are too old for that now.  And of course we will wear protection as will they.  Maybe this is all a part of the new normal. 

Of course we don’t yet know what the new normal will be.   Maybe we don’t shake hands ever again?  Maybe we are kinder to each other. Maybe we can get back to being civilized with each other. Just maybe.  I may be too old to move myself, but I’m not too old to adapt to the new normal, whatever it is.

I was born in Wisconsin while my Father served in Vietnam. The second child to Father, third to Mother. We lived in Kansas and Colorado for a few years. There were four boys, one after me. We moved to Alexandria, Virginia for the next long phase of Father’s Army career that took us to Florida as well as a couple of places in Maryland throughout my school years. Brother 1 left when I was 15, he was a very bad person. Eventually he went to prison. Brother 2 left for the Navy. After graduation from high school my college prospects were thin so I too left for the Navy as well. I stayed for seven years separating from service in Annapolis, MD after which I stayed in the DC metro region. Brother 1 reappeared for a while after prison, along with wife and two kids. He disappeared again after wife and kids fled to Florida. Brother 2 had a fatal heart attack at 36. Sad, left three kids, two ex-wives and was separated from the third. Brother 3 left for the Air Force, got married and had two kids. Divorced shortly after. I met my future husband in 2002. My father commiteed suicide  in 2002. My mother died in 2006. Brother 3 walked away from the family (me) in 2008. He also walked away from the rest of the extended family. In 2005, I married in Canada. I am formerly an ultrarunner.  In 2006 I had a hip replaced. The end of my long distance running career was unfortunate. In 2007 we moved to New Jersey. I work in New York City.

Everyone’s life has bumps and peaks.  Overall, I would say mine has been generally blessed. Today it is better than ever. Happily married over 10 years. We have our jobs, health, friends and a cat. It’s where we end up.

Update: the cat suddenly passed but that is the circle of life I am told. She is missed.